On the Verge

I've been on the verge of tears all day. I'm not sad, but I've felt like crying my eyes out about five times today and just can't get it out. It's definitely related to the fact that I'm running on about 2 hours of sleep, but there's more to it. I've always been a person to take on and try to cure the world. I do what I can, I'm a people pleaser in an uber-individualistic kind of way. But when things are too big for a little girl, what can I do? It's not even that need to fix things, like I wanted to fix Chris's grandpa today. I just want to understand the world - an impossible task. The day was upside-down and then I had to say goodbye and that ate me up more than usual. My consistency was jarred. So, the tears came.

I can't take on the world - that's a big statement for me, the loud-mouthed optimist. I'm not giving up that easy though. I'm just one person, but the world is bigger than the individual. When my tears finally came they were tears of happiness in the realization that I am part of humanity. My optimism doesn't live in myself, but in the goodness and love I see in others. Some things can't be changed - people get older, the world contains evil, people dear to us have to go away sometimes. But in a world of harsh inevitability, we are given the ability to experience love - for ourselves, others and all mankind. It's up to us, it's our decision. I'm a girl who doesn't know much. I'd even say I'm relatively naive and I know I can't change some things. But I choose my life - I choose to live, to love and to be happy.